


GASOLINE

by TheBroken



Category: citrus - サブロウタ | citrus - Saburouta
Genre: Awkward Romance, Canon Lesbian Character, Coming Out, F/F, Falling In Love, Haru/Matsu, Implied Sexual Content, Lesbian Romance', Love, Love Confessions, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Why Isn't This A Canon Lesbian Relationship?'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:21:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27272599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBroken/pseuds/TheBroken
Summary: Harumi must finally come to grips with how she really feels about Matsuri, as she seeks her out in her lair.. Set immediately after the last panel of Citrus Plus, Chapter 14. (And certainly dead wrong!) But here is my humble interpretation.
Relationships: Mizusawa Matsuri/Taniguchi Harumi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	1. IGNITION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a moment before every fire. A spark...

Harumin watched in astonishment as Matsuri's little brother, Inori, noisily munched the dorayaki like he hadn't eaten all day. What was going on here? This magnificent modernist home, well-appointed...without any food in it? Matsuri had come in with a quart of milk and a few other small food items, dressed in an outrageous (And expensive!) Harajuku outfit, being surly to her from the moment her surprised eyes had seen Taniguchi. And now...

"Let's...talk in my room' the pink-haired girl said flatly. 'Follow me."

"O.K." Harumin agreed, and followed off after the smaller girl, the sound of the ravening Inori receding behind her, as he poured more milk. They passed through several large rooms on the first floor, before reaching the base of a large staircase. "Impressive!" Harumi said under her breath.

"Hmm." was all she got for a reply.

They ascended to the upper level, where Matsuri produced some sort of electric key and opened a door that looked like it could have held off a low-grade military assault. _"She keeps her room_ _LOCKED?"_ Harumin thought. What other surprises would be in store for her? She half expected Matsuri to turn around and say, _"Well, Taniguchi-San, I work for the government..."_ but her attention was drawn by Matsuri just gesturing with one hand and saying "Come in, _NOSY."_ so, she did just that. More surprises:

" Don't fool with my stuff, Okay, Taniguchi-san? I'm funny that way!" she said as they entered. Bookshelves lined one wall, and she knew the girl was extremely bright, but some of this stuff was university grade material! A powerful sound system was against one wall across from the bed, with an impressive number of audiophile vinyl records and C.D.'s of a variety of types of music, although leaning to harder material. 2 Power Macs, 2 laptops on her bed, an expensive electric PRS guitar on a stand next to a boutique Orange amplifier, _("Wait a minute- didn't she say she was pursuing a career in_ _show business? Maybe she wasn't just joking, after all!")_ An enormous chair with that damned ratty hoodie over one vast overstuffed arm, cushions, an open closet that looked like it was stuffed to the gills with innumerable outfits, some formal, A rack of shoes, a display of high-end headphones, (One with childish bunny ears!) a widescreen, wall recessed T.V., some surprisingly cute toys, as if for a young child, a selection of very girly things, ( _"is she a spoiled little rich mama's girl with a mama who's never there? My God, she must be lonelier than I thought!") " Harumi wondered.)_ and lastly, a bed big enough for a sleepover for everyone she knew (if she had ever wanted to!) Matsuri rolled a big cushion beside it, bade Harumi sit on it with gesture unaccompanied by words, and plopped down with her legs rudely sprawled. _"She's clearly depressed!' She thought, 'but how to get her to lower_ her _guard and open_ _up? I'll start with some obvious questions!_ "

"Mattie...where are your parents? Did you leave your brother alone in this house without food? 'Cause that's not nice! And What the _HELL_ is going on with you, _for REAL,_ I mean?" She looked at her expectantly.

The girls' face or tone of voice didn't change a fraction as she coldly answered her.

"One: Who knows, who cares, and I don't give a flying fuck at a rolling donut! _I_ can take care of myself and Inori. I've been doing it all this time I've been away from school "

"Two: We have food. I bought some, and you brought dessert. Eventually, My Mom will remember she has children and she'll drop by for _five minutes_ _of quality time_ and _cater_ something for Inori and me soon. _And don't_ _judge._ Your normal isn't my normal and this is _my life_ _and_ _always was! I don't know how to live another way anymore.'_

Three: "I've been sick. I mean _mentally_ , Taniguchi -San. I've taken another bad depressive turn. I have _Borderline Personality Disorder._ Diagnosed when I was ten because I kept breaking into Yuzu's house to sleep with her to have someone to hold me and avoid being alone, or worse yet, being around my parents. I've got everything a girl could want besides a family, love, and _sanity!'_ She looked through her with an icy stare. "So now you know. _I'm fucking cuckoo._ Are you happy? No big deal for me-it's just how it's always been." She hung her head then, the first sign of emotion she'd shown.

 _"Probably, so I can't see her face!"_ Harumin surmised. She cleared her throat.

"Don't say that, Mattie! So, you're finally coming clean, and admitting you have a personality disorder! Thank you for your honesty and bravery! Hell!- I probably have one, -I've had anxiety issues before now- I used to be literally frightened of my own sister, for instance-I mean- I _cringed_ when I was in the same room with her!-I think you had to have noticed, why try to hide it from you?- Our friend Aihara Mei is Autistic, poor Yuzu has anxiety issues like me, their mom Ume is a beautiful soul, but she has a drinking problem, NeNe lives in her own little sweet world... Mattie, almost everyone has got something going on. I already figured it out about you, some time ago, that you were at least a _major depressive._ Thank you for clearing it up with me on what you have-and I'll be glad to discuss it with you, if you want! I accept you, just as you are. And I care just as much for you. That's why I elected to come here today when Yuzu told me."

Matsuri stirred but didn't look up. "Do you _REALLY_ , Taniguchi -san? Did you come here for _you,_ or was it for _everybody?"_ she whispered hoarsely. At least she was beginning to show some emotion!

"Mattie - I do really care for you! I know I can be a bitch, I know I'm bad about not showing my feelings to you, or most other people..."

"Except Yuzu.' the small girl said. "You're all over my big sister Yuzu, even though she is my big sister Mei's partner... Oh, Yuzu... Oh, MAN! She...she's the enabler, for all of us! _Ringmaster_ of a circus of _messed up freaks!'_ She shook her head.

"Mattie...I've told you before! My feelings toward Yuzu are Platonic love! We're both just very physical! ' _("And if I can only convince Mei of the truth of that, we could be better friends!"_ she thought wryly!) "And,' she added, _'DON'T_ insult Yuzu and everyone else, _including yourself,_ like that!"

Matsuri had put her head in her hands. "O.K. Sorry. Maybe so. Or at least you are...physical in a sweet way...with her. You know, Taniguchi - san, for the last couple of years, I've followed you. I've gone out of my way innumerable times to come to see you, just for the chance of hanging out with you. But never once did you come to seek me out, until this day. And...it always seemed for a long time that I was kind of a second choice- I mean, you have few friends, you're really a very lonely person, like... _me._ And I'm one of only a handful of people you'll hang out with-but I would be the one if Yuzu couldn't make it.

"That's not true!..."

"Let me finish, please. So there I was. I never followed anyone like a puppy before, except my big sister Yuzu. And for all my teasing of her, I worship the ground she walks on. But I couldn't help it, from the day I met you! I followed you, I made excuses to be where you would be. And so things went, month after month. Like a whipped dog. I'd sworn I'd never let that happen to me. But I did. You even hit me sometimes and I gladly took it just to be with you. Somehow, I hoped, I'd get through to you. Month after month I suffered inside. Many times, when you wouldn't see me for days, I had crawled up my own ass from the depression. But, beginning only a few weeks back, things changed. Something seemed to click between us. Remember when we walked in the rain _together?_ Yeah, I can pinpoint that as the day! Magic. We were under my umbrella, and I mean...it was so symbolic, don't you see, because we were in our own little world, you and I, everything else but the moment disappeared! I held your hand, and I felt... Oh, my GOD! So DAMNED happy as we walked home, laughing in the rain! We went to your house for dinner, you gave me a bath...that was the beginning. You started inviting me, just for me, out with you on weekends! I could cure your loneliness, too, I thought! Oh, Harumin...' she paused a moment, a slight tremble going through her suddenly frail-looking body. 'I hadn't been that happy in years! "I really thought we were turning a corner, _HELL_ \- going down a whole new street! Someone I cared so much for cared enough for me to want to be with me, by preference! To actually be _SEEN_ with me in public, _and not just hide in a room somewhere_ _and...and...slobber on me!_ Someone I could be a better person for! I mean - a girls' dream, right?"

"But the other week, when we had that argument over that _FILTHY,_ _SELF LOATHING BITCH_ of a junior council member at the academy trying to harm my onee-chans, JUST because they're so beautifully in love and she fucking hates being _queer_ and wanting to _eat_ her little _Twinkie girl,_ I couldn't believe you and Yuzu refused to take me seriously! After all the things I've shown I could do, and you blew me off! And then, it got _totally fucked up,_ and Yuzu got hit instead of _me,_ my plan backfired because no-one would trust me, that _whore_ is still there at school...'

"And I'm not. I just can't take the pain. I just don't care anymore! Yuzu and Mei are all about getting their life together- and I LOVE that! Don't get me wrong! It's just... Who is there for me? Who is there to hold me when I hurt, when I cry, to kiss my tears away? To laugh at my stupid jokes, for me to be the most worthy person I can be And do the same for? Do you know, that's my greatest desire? I'm not joking! That's who I am, underneath my lousy tinfoil armor! I can't pretend to not care when I'm hurting anymore! I can't drink bile and spit poison anymore! I don't want to be that nasty little sarcastic bitch that I hide my heart behind so that I can look cool while my guts get wrung out of me! Getting to see that dreams could be real! I got to BE IN ONE! But it's gone, it was just another dream I wake up dying from. And I've had a lifetime in my few years of having my dreams shit on and thrown in the trash! I'm in the darkness, it's swallowing me, I'm being chewed up and spit out and I can't live like this anymore, it's _FUCKING KILLING ME!..._ It's fucking... killing'... and as her barely coherent and pain-filled rant ended her voice finally tearfully broke, causing her to pause for a long moment. _"The light_. That light that's supposed to be at the end of my long, dark, tunnel,' she continued bitterly, 'that light isn't going to guide me out. _It's coming for me! It's found me!"_

She looked up then, and Harumin started to tear up as she saw the awful torment that distorted the pale little face, as her whole slim body began to shudder. "That light...' she barely whispered, 'Is a raging fire! It's going to ignite me and burn me up alive!"

_"Because I'm GASOLINE!"_


	2. SMOKE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is always the first hint a fire has been ignited. The physical reaction as two elements each acknowledge the presence of the other...

Matsuri began to sob pitifully again, her arms wrapped around her middle like she was trying to hold her guts in. Harumin watched helplessly for a moment, preoccupied with her own tears at seeing the abject misery before her, before making a decision:

She thought, _"You've spent your life avoiding conflict and drama. You've hidden from people and their emotions since your parents died because you couldn't take any more pain. Until you met_ _Yuzucchi, you were alone, friendless, and lonely in your heart, hiding just so you wouldn't face loss or rejection._ '

 _" It's time to stop being a coward. Someone is suffering!_ _That poor girl is lonely and broken and she's in agony and needs comforting!_ _GO HELP THEM NOW!_ "

She got up off the cushion and sat beside the smaller girl, gently putting an arm around her shoulders, and drawing her near. Matsuri loosed a pained groan, threw her arms around the tall beauty like she was drowning and had found a lifeline, and poured her hot tears onto her bosom. "H-H-Harumin..." She tried.

" Shh! Don't try to talk yet, honey! You just let Mama Harumin help you. And you let all that hurt out of your insides! " She rocked Matsuri like a lost child, stroking her hair and rubbing her back for a long time, while she shook in awful pain. Eventually, it worked its magic. Her crying became less and less until finally, the only sounds were her regular breathing. She didn't look up as she whispered:

" _Taniguchi-san? Please keep holding me. I'm afraid I'm going to fall to pieces!_ _Please don't stop! Please don't hate me! Please don't leave!... I'll.... I'll do anything you want!..."_ She squeezed her comforter tightly, as though she were afraid she would disappear, her voice becoming more ragged and indistinct with each word. _"She's nearly hysterical!"_ The tall girl thought.

The tall girl sighed and tenderly lifted Matsuris' face upward by her chin. She saw the sad mixture of hurt, fear, and helplessness she wore. "Don't talk like _that!_ I'm right here for you, and I'm not going to leave you alone! You don't have to do a _damn thing_ for me! OK?

Matsuri cuddled into her again, and whispered, _"Thank you!"_ And the two sat like that for a long time, the older girl absentmindedly ruffling the fluffy pink hair as Matsuri shook violently in her arms, whimpering like a small child. _"Poor baby!"_ Harumin thought, as long minutes later, she began seeing the stress beginning to very slowly melt off the other's features. At last, the younger girl's face seeming more relaxed, she gave a final squeeze and said: Are you a little better?"

She looked up into the concerned Hazel eyes. "I-I'm a lot better. I don't know what would have happened to me if you hadn't...I'm sorry! Please don't be mad at me!" she pleaded.

"Hush, Mattie! You're hurting, and I'm here for you, just like I said I was!' She pulled her phone out of her generous cleavage, an old habit. 'I'll text my sister and tell her I'm not coming home tonight. Do you have anything I can wear?.."

"Let m-m-me crawl out of my hole! I'll throw your clothes in to wash when you're out of them,' Matsuri said, 'I'll find you something to wear in the meantime..."

" And we'll get you into a bath!' 'That always makes you feel better!"

Matsuri brightened a little. "I can't believe how sweet you're being to me, Taniguchi-san! I'll start running it! My bathroom is through this door!' She pointed. 'Excuse me. I've got to find those clothes!' Harumin settled back on the bed, as Matsuri shakily got to her wobbly legs and stepped out. "Careful, honey!" her friend called out in warning, on seeing how unsteady she was. _"What have I gotten myself into? Am I going to be enough to help that poor girl?"_ she wondered, as she sent Mitsuko a quick text.

Matsuri came back in shortly after, with a large robe, and gave it to the tall girl. "This will sort of fit, she said, 'it's my mom's - or someone's'. She sat a bag on the bed.

"What's that?"

" It's some cold soba with tofu, some salad, and the remaining dorayaki, and thank you for bringing me a sweet yam one! I've already given Inori his supper. We'll eat in here when you're hungry. Is that O.K.? "

"Grandma and I live off somen unless Mitsuko makes us stop! And I'll eat the sweet red bean dorayaki, 'cause I know you hate it! " She got up and put a hand on Matsuri's back. "Let's get you undressed for your bath..."

" You first, _Lifesaver_. And I'll get your clothes in the wash. "

"Oh, yeah, right! She somehow felt very self-conscious and stepped inside the bathroom before removing her clothing. She set it outside the door, and got under a shower, lathering up. and Matsuri came in a moment later, already completely naked, and eased in beside her, allowing Harumi to gently scrub her with a soft soapy cloth while she shampooed her pink locks with something herbaceous smelling. Harumi bubbled her hair up next as Matsuri got into the tub, and a couple of minutes later, slipped in behind her, and began to rub her shoulders. "Mmmmmmm!' Matsuri purred, ' I can definitely live with this!"

" Are you feeling a little better, Mattie? "

She turned to face her. "I always do, when _you're_ around!" She lowered her head. " Thank you! "

"I'm glad I could help. What is this lovely stuff in the bath?"

She shrugged. " Minerals, herbs... "It's supposed to be therapeutic. I'll try anything, at this point. " Her expression became sad again.

"Here now,' her bath-mate said softly and began to work her fingers deeper into the tense muscles. "They're like wood!" She exclaimed.

"I've had some...relaxation issues. But you're really helping me. Thank you." They soaked together for a while before they got up, Harumin carefully drying her smaller bath companion off with a gigantic, thick towel before they went back into the bedroom. She glanced at the pink-haired girl. Since she had first met her, her once childish figure had filled out in a very lovely way, indeed. She was well on the way to becoming a young woman. Her once immature body boasted nice, tight little curves, well-shaped legs, and some really cute honest to goodness breasts...

 _"Wait,'_ She thought, _'why am I looking at Matsuri's naked body, let alone thinking like that?"_ She looked away. _"I'm not going there!'_ she thought nervously. _'What's going on with me?"_ She reached quickly for her robe and put it on, while Matsuri, never ashamed of her nakedness, just unceremoniously pulled on panties and a T-shirt. "This is how I sleep when I'm alone! Is that alright with you? "

"Yeah, sure!"

She looked at Harumin shyly. "It's not like I'm gifted in the boob department like you, but the girls HAVE been growing lately..."

" Honey, you look just fine! You're a _VERY_ attractive girl! And let me tell you about having big boobs. You don't know how awful it is, since I was 14, to be stared at. By boys. By disgusting grown men. By other girls... 'she shuddered.' It happens constantly, I mean, like just on the way over here today! "

Matsuri got a hurt look on her face. "And...I was one of them! I never knew. I'm so sorry! Please forgive me... I just always loved to look at you because I thought you were so beautiful! That's all." She turned her head away, the first time she ever had shown shame in front of her.

She turned Matsuri gently toward her. "It's alright honey, you didn't know." She felt guilty for making her feel bad and then thought brightly about something.

" Hey, Mattie! Would you like to hear about the one time in my life I was ever alone with a _boy?_ "

She looked up, amazed. _"You didn't..."_ she let the sentence trail off suggestively.

Gentle laughter, and: " Mattie! I didn't do _that!_ I'm actually...' She blushed, _'still_ a virgin, for all my carrying on! I've never _DONE IT_ with anyone!" "

"Don't be embarrassed,' the rueful looking younger girl said, 'I sure talk a good game, but I'm still more or less full of cherries, too! You wanna see _most_ of _my_ sexual experience?" She held out her right hand. 'Lots of sex with myself."

The older girl sputtered with laughter, amazed that she would so openly talk about that, and it was a moment before she got back to her story.

"Oh! My! - So, anyway, I was at this party at school, you know the kind, I was 14, and already had these,' she pointed to her chest, 'and I had been talking to this boy, I had found an empty room, and I was waiting for all those feelings I had been told girls get around boys, but- you know, they weren't happening! And this _BRAT,_ he just kept staring at my tits! And finally, I said - well, you know me! - "Hey, jerkwad! My face is _up here!"_

" So what happened? "

She snorted. " Well I happened to look down, and the front of his pants was _sticking out!_ And I yelled and ran out of the room,' She laughed, 'And I've never been alone with a boy since then. I'm not...really attracted to them like most girls are. For ...whatever.' She was suddenly uncomfortable, for some reason. "How about you? "

"I'm …not interested in guys. " Was all the younger girl said.

The two girls talked up into the evening, Harumin catching up with what had been going on with Matsuri, ("Just basically more of what you saw earlier!) And vice versa, the older girl trying to cheer the younger up as best she could, cracking jokes, telling stories, and most importantly, just being there, and being strong for her. The younger girl stepped out for a few minutes, ( _"Gotta tuck Inori in!")_ And got the plates laid out on a table when she got back.

They ate the food Matsuri had brought in. The tofu soba was O.K., The salad was great with a wonderful assortment of root vegetable pickles that came with it. After they had finished, they scrubbed their teeth and the sleepy Auburn-haired girl suggested they might be considering sleep. She popped into bed, and folded the sheet back, patting a place close beside her for Matsuri. They both were drowsy and would be out quickly.

Matsuri showed a sign of happiness as she smiled slightly, promptly cuddled little spoon into her big spoon's arms, and _"Thank you, Harumin. Goodnight! I... I love you! "_ she whispered, drowsily.

 _"Goodnight, Mattie, I love you too." She returned, in a groggy, half-asleep voice, and to her amazement, the pretty little face was already in the repose of the mercy of deep sleep within moments. "She really is so cute!"_ she thought sleepily.

Just as Harumin drifted off herself, a thought suddenly occurred to her just before she surrendered consciousness:

_"Wait a minute! What did we BOTH JUST SAY TO EACH OTHER?..."_


	3. FIRE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once the admixture becomes volatile, the reaction becomes difficult to control, and the fire begins to spread unpredictably...

Harumin woke up the next morning to find her arms tightly wrapped around a blissfully sleeping Matsuri. _"She looks so sweet like this!"_ she thought...and then, remembering what went thru her mind the night before, became a little nervous. " _What's going on with me?'_ she fretted, _'This is as bad as when I tried to sort out my feelings for Yuzu! Maybe this is the same? That I just have a romantic_ _friendship? "_ but she was troubled, all the same.

Matsuri, as if sensing a change in the chemistry around her, fluttered her eyes open, ( _"God! So CUTE!"_ her companion thought,) and turned to the auburn-haired girl. "Good morning! Thank you for cuddling me and keeping me safe." She gave her a lingering and affectionate hug.

"Do you feel a little better?" the tall girl asked.

She was delighted to see a little half-smile attempt to force its way onto Matsuri's face. "I am. I am...and it's because you've been wonderful! I've never had anyone who cares besides Yuzu, and Mei...certainly, not my parents. I feel very safe now. I feel like, you know, the darkness can't get to me.

Her guests' stomach growled "I think I'm going to need breakfast!" she laughed.

"Hmm. That means I'm going to call someone on a bicycle to bring us some breakfast because I'm lazy today and I don't want to go out yet. What kind of food do you want?" she questioned.

The buxom girl stretched, causing the smaller girl to turn away to keep from staring, and replied: "Would you be O.K. with standard stuff? You know-miso soup, rice, some pickles...maybe some fish or pork? She looked over to Matsuri, who was temporarily preoccupied with Harumin's face.

"Oh! Yeah, that'll be fine!" she suddenly blurted out. She made a great show of getting her phone out and beginning to text rapidly. "There!' she said, 'probably about 20 minutes...they're only a few blocks away." She stretched her arms over her head in an exaggerated gesture, carefully watching Harumin out of the corner of one eye, her mind stuck on the exchange they had had just before bed. But she said nothing. "Let me go tell my little twerp _otouto_ Inori that sissy has got some food coming for him, and I'll be right back in." She exited the bed, purposefully putting a slight touch of gentle hip sway into her walk as she left. Harumin wished she knew where the robe had gone to, as she had been sleeping in nothing but an oversized T-shirt that just covered her bare bottom.

She looked around the room again. One of those computer consoles, she noted for the first time, was a professional model gamers' job, worth all of 600,000 yen, or more. She whistled at the money represented by the room, as she bent over to examine the rig.

 _"Now, that's a gorgeous picture!"_ Matsuri said as she entered the room. Harumin looked up, feebly attempted to pull the T-shirt down, and shot her a glance, which she paid no attention to. "This rig...are you a professional gamer, Mattie?" she asked in wonder.

"Here, have some tea, sexy!' came the answer. She placed two steaming cups of quality Yamecha on the table before them, Harumin noting that the girls' hands still had a slight tremor to them. "Yes, and no! I'm a semi-pro, because of school, and I've been helping them design some new games, well,-along with a few hundred other people! Although, if I keep having these damned breakdowns, It'll ruin my nerves for good, and that will all be in the can!" She gave a sad look at her rig.

"Do they _pay_ you?" Harumin wondered.

Matsuri shrugged, "Yes, and the tournaments pay A _LOT_ more. I'm highly ranked. Do you remember when I went incognito last month for a weekend? I would have _LOVED_ to have been with you and my onee-chans for that sleepover,' (and here she gave a serious look.) but, there was a tournament. I won it, my 9th first place. _MONEY!_ I've been at this since I was twelve." She sipped her tea. "Ah! Yes, tea and juice! And sweets! And you! I'm going to be happy again if it kills me!

The tall girl shook her head and smiled. "Wow. _RESPECT!"_

"You have to start early, because, most of us lose our speed, and focus before we're 25. Focus and speed are everything. Then again, there are drugs and burnout.' She noticed Harumin's concerned look. "No, honey, I don't use. That shit will kill you!" It was astonishing to the older girl. As it had always been, she was like talking to a very savvy, adult woman. She was absolutely fascinating when she had the floor as a speaker, and Harumin made a note of that.

Suddenly, Matsuri's phone got a text, and she answered quickly with a reply. "It's our breakfast! Here's your robe. I'll go set some out for you, Inori, and I, and we'll eat downstairs with him!" she held out her hand, and the older girl took it as she led her back downstairs to the door. Matsuri opened it, and just at that moment, Harumin realized they were both still tousle-haired, she in a robe, and Matsuri in panties and a T-shirt, and holding hands, to go with it. She blushed as the nonchalant girl pulled out some bills and gave them to the gawping boy and took the bags from him in one hand, still holding the tall beauty's hand in her other. She thanked him and turned back inside, locking the power door behind her. "What INTENSE security!" Harumin noted.

Inori was sitting at the table with an expectant look as his sister began to set the plates and place food in them: Rice and fish, natto, miso soup, fruit, pickles...she had really ordered a breakfast, Harumin thought, ruefully thinking of she and her grandmother practically living off somen the past week until Mitsuko had fixed stew for them. _"God! I can be SUCH A SLOB!"_ she reflected, and not for the first time. "Itadakimasu!" she said with the others.

"I don't like natto!' Inori complained, 'it's all slimy and sticky like a glob of... MMMMFFF! As his big sister's hand clamped over his mouth. " Sorry, Harumin!,' Matsuri apologized, 'I'm afraid he usually just sees me, and I've corrupted the little beast! " She ruffled his hair, and put her finger to her lips, as they all set into enjoying breakfast.

"Everything alright?" Matsuri questioned, a few bites in. Her guest looked to her from where she had been observing the seemingly always starving Inori _MURDER_ his food, and said "Mattie, this is awesome! I haven't had a breakfast like this in weeks! I love it all, _including_ the natto!" She was really enjoying it!

Matsuri nodded. "I can cook, fairly well, too. I'm not like Yuzu. Girl's a chef! But we'll shop maybe, later, if you'll stay?..." she trailed off hopefully.

Harumi answered: "Yes, Mattie, I'm going to be with you. At least, through tonight. School Monday, but if you need me..." she let it hang.

She looked relieved. "Thank you! You're helping me feel better, A LOT, and we do have to talk. I'll maybe show off some cooking skills later, just for you." She lowered her eyes and continued eating. She didn't seem really interested in the food, though, her companion noted. She really had had no enthusiasm for anything but the sweets, last night, either, however. Her usual healthy appetite had seemed to have deserted her.

Inori was staring at the Auburn haired beauty again, as he had when they had waited for Matsuri to come back and open the door for them yesterday when he had locked himself out. "You never answered me,' he complained, 'are your _boobs real?"_ She sighed. _"What's with you two, Mattie?"_

Matsuri turned to her brother-"My God!' thought Harumin, 'is she actually blushing for like the _third time_ since I've known her?"-and placed her hands on his shoulders. "They're real' she told him, _'EVERYTHING_ about Taniguchi-san is _REAL!"_ He took it all in for a moment and asked "Is _she_ your friend that you...MMMMF!" as Matsuri put a hand over his mouth. "No more questions, squirt! She and I are going to my room! I'd like for you to start on those nice studies I set up for you on your computer, O.K.? I have some extra food in the refrigerator if you get hungry before lunch." The boy nodded, and she shooed him off.

"Come with me, Harumin, and we'll get your clothes up to you!"

"Thanks! She was becoming really self -conscious in the bathrobe. She followed her into the laundry room, where Matsuri grabbed the clothes and handed them over. "Let's go off to my bedroom!" she suggested.

"Let's!"

Harumin went into the bathroom, and quickly put on the clothing, and came out to find her hostess on the bed, waiting for her with an unreadable, but serious look. She sat on the bed across from her, and asked, "Are you feeling up to some serious discussions, Mattie? I know you have things you want to talk over." She waited a moment for an answer, then:

"I...am. I've waited so long for this talk, and I'm actually thinking clearly enough today to have it, thanks to your TLC last night.' (She nodded her head to her) I've been wanting to ask you a few things, and you can ask me anything you want. I'll try to answer it, too, if I can."

" O.K. Last night, I spilled my guts to you - well, partly, anyway, - and tried to explain to you how I got to be here, emotionally speaking. Scenes of the time I have known you, and the times we have known together, played out in my mind. When we first met, I was a sick, troubled brat, so messed up I thought I wanted sex with my sister Yuzu."

Her listener nodded, and said, "You were confused over what kind of love you felt. It happens. _Trust me! "_

"Exactly! My criminal dealings with my camera girl racket left me twisted from constantly being online with _predators._ I couldn't see anything but sex...and I was always precocious, anyway. I even wound up trying to do something so vile,- and thank GOD, it fell through and didn't happen- to one of my onee- chans that, afterward, I collapsed from remorse and started doubling my psychiatric visits. Mei and Yuzu forgave me, and eventually, I will too. ' She paused a moment, trembling, and got her emotions under control. "I can't, and won't, say more about that _FILTHY plot_ than that!"

"I can't blame you that you were suspicious of me. I was a nasty, crazy, perverted, criminal little _BITCH_ the first time we met. I insulted you, talked nasty to you, and _WHY_ on earth I would think you were _perv_ enough to be remotely interested in my then poorly developed, under-aged body is one for the textbooks!" She shook her head. "But, later, as we came to know each other, as I worked so hard to be as normal and decent as is possible, given my problems; as I left crime behind me, as I thought of real love as something besides being unattainable or a fucking bad, ugly joke...as I realized that I could, and was, honest to God falling in love for the first time with a wonderful, beautiful person, I felt the pain of unrequited love, the hurt of being so near, and never caressing, of my face being within an inch of theirs, of feeling the warm breath from their soft lips, but never kissing, of watching, but never being seen, of wanting so badly to be held, and desired, and made love to by my only one. Of keeping hundreds of pictures of them on my phone, because I couldn't have the real one to see. And, I nearly lost it from grief'...She looked at the floor. 'Damn, it's so hard to talk about this! I've always had a grown woman inside me, ever since I hit puberty! Damn it!"

Matsuri lifted her sad, wet-eyed face up, and the tortured look in her eyes stabbed Harumin like a knife, as the pretty girls' voice broke: "I...I went C-crazy...because I was so in love. I wanted that person to care for me so badly!... I'm...I'm...' she clenched her fists.

 _"I'M GAY! I'm GAY_ and I realized that the girl I adored...was _you_. _I'm in love with you, Harumin_ I...I have been, for a long time, now. When I always said that to you, I made it out to be a joke, but it's real! When you held me yesterday I could have died in your arms. I love you so much, it's wrecking my heart to see you apart from me when I want you to hold me so...close. I want you as my lover...But I had to make it into a joke! I was so afraid I'd lose you if you found out! I...still am. That's what has nearly finished putting me over the edge. God, Harumin, please don't think I'm a creep...Please don't hate me! Please...don't go away. I love you. " she turned her face away, trying to fight back tears as Harumin watched in indecision - _"I Iove you... so much!"_

 _"I can't!'_ Harumin thought, _I can't act on these feelings I've been having! It's too much of a problem! I can't be thinking about having a girlfriend...a lover! She's two years younger...That's a point when you're our age! I can't take the stress of coming out in a world I_ _can barely take as it is! It's too complicated! For God's sake, I'll be going to university soon! and Matsuri is...Matsuri is..."_

 _"Beautiful. Fun. Smart. Exciting. Somehow, just so …interesting to me! Even her sarcasm and snarking are funny! And she does love me, for real! What was I wanting to do last night? I'm attracted to her! I have been for a while now, I think she's so cute! Do I want to just keep running from love?_ Do _I fucking want to be alone for the rest of my life because I'm afraid of being hurt? What kind of life is that? I'M GAY, for God's sake! I've known it for years! I'm not going to ever be with a man. All those things I've felt for years...My unsureness with Yuzu... I'm sick of being in denial! What have we_ _been doing for ages but dating anyway. I know the way people look at us! It might not work out... But, we'll never know unless I'm brave enough to...Hey..."_

"Harumin.' Matsuri finally managed, brushing her tears away, 'You told me last night you have _no_ sexual interest in _boys._ I don't think my eyes have deceived me, or my heart betrayed me, that I have seen flashes of deep attraction and affection when we've been together lately. I don't believe it's just the wishful thinking that people in love indulge in. I don't believe you're asexual, as some people are. You're just too damned physical! I believe those times we fight are you, fighting your desires. I think you're just afraid of commitment. I think you at least _care_ for me romantically to some degree. Have I finally lost it? Do you want to leave now, do you think I'm a creep, or can we talk about being honest with ourselves and each other, about being gay...and being in love? I'm holding my heart out here- _and everything_ else...for _you_ to take... _or_ break... because I can't stand being alone anymore. I can't love you secretly and hurt like this." She looked hopefully to the older girl, anxiety and pain written all over her face.

The tall girl got on her all fours, and slowly moved to where Matsuri sat, watching her. _"We've talked enough, already!"_ she said, her voice breathy with emotion. She reached for one pretty hand with one of her own, intertwining their fingers delicately. With her other, she tenderly held the other girl's face by the chin, tilted it gently upwards, and placed a slow and loving kiss on the soft pink lips. _"Oh!_ _That's **SO** nice...Weird?... Oh,.. that's beautiful!!"_ She thought. As she withdrew, Matsuri, bare audible, said _'Oh, my God!'_ and lay her head against her loved one's heart, which was trying to pound out of her chest, and placed their interlocked hands over her own, which was throbbing madly. She looked up into the hazel eyes, which were now moist with emotion, and seemed to have difficulty believing this was all happening. _"Harumin,"_ she whispered _, 'Please let this be real. I can't take being hurt anymore! I can't live with..."_ She couldn't get her words out anymore. Her blue eyes pleaded for tenderness and love. She seemed afraid she would awaken from a dream, as her new lover wiped the tears away from the pale, so delicate seeming face. _"Who did this to her?_ " she wondered. _"It's for real, Honey. And I'm not gonna hurt you!"_ she assured her. Matsuri gave a wavering, unsure smile, looked into the kind and honest eyes before her, shuddered from emotion, and in a moment of firm resolve, threw her arms around the other's shoulders and pulling them down on top of her, sighed into a deep, passionate, open-mouthed wet kiss...


	4. AFTERGLOW

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fires leave embers, love leaves passion, both smolder, both can reignite in a moment in the presence of fuel...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who reads, and, perhaps, leaves a kudo or comment. This, I think, is the conclusion, at least of THIS story of Harumin and Matsuri, the first I've written all about them, perhaps not the last. I just couldn't take Sensei Saburouta's years long Shiptease anymore! I hope you enjoy it. It's not likely to bare the slightest resemblence to Saburouta Sensei's, but that's the nature of stories, as they're passed down, and around...different voices take up the tale, and provide their own endings.

The two new lovers looked into each other's eyes as they lay across the huge bed, having a very serious discussion after the much-needed shower they had taken together. Matsuri opened gently with "So..."

Harumin kissed her tenderly, and the pink-haired girl wrapped her arms around her neck with renewed interest. "Mattie... I love making out with you, too, and we're definitely going to do some more of that...among _other_ things if you like! But...we'll never get anything _serious_ done like this! Honey, we'll have a lot of time to take this anywhere we want to, and as _far_ as we like, _IF_ we make the proper plans now!".

The younger girl looked unsure, suddenly fretting, and holding Harumins' hands, her own still trembling slightly.

"Mattie, it's O.K. I want you in my life! I'm not going to run away anymore.. _.I love you_. I realize now, that I have for some time."

The blue eyes looked into hers and saw confirmation of every word. She sighed. "I'm sorry, I just had to hear you say it. You're right. We can be all over each other some more later...in fact, I...have some more ideas! She smiled. ' We do have to plan. I know you will be going to school, and I know you, Yuzu, and Mei are all planning to attend the same university, which is not a great distance from here. With the grades you three have, any university would be glad to have you! And I could come to see you, on weekends...would you want me... to see you? I mean, if this whole thing works out as well as we both want...I love you so much! _"_

She was insecure, again. _"Well, why not,'_ she thought, _'Her parents have ignored her whole life, and she's only ever been properly loved by Yuzu, and more recently, Mei...and hey! Now me!"_ She leaned in for another kiss, and this time Matsuri buried her face into her shoulder right after, wanting to believe that this was going to happen, for real, but still afraid.

"Honey, I _DO_ want to see you, as often as I can...I'm not going to university looking for "company", - I'm a rather shy girl, as you have noted, for all of my self-protective bluster. Can't hide from you, can I? I'll want to see you as often as you can stand me!"

Matsuri smiled. "Then that's anytime, any day, anywhere,.. _.and ANY WAY you want me,_ Harumin!"

"MMM! You little _PERV!_ You're hyper-sexual, do you know that?"

"Oh? Can I do my Harumin impression? This was _YOU_ earlier: OH GOD, MATTIE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! She nearly choked on laughter as the tall girl caught her in a bear hug. "You like doing it _rough,_ don't you? Go ahead, baby, let's go _ALL_ the way! Pin me down, make me be good! Ravish me! Show me who the Boss Babe is... make me _SCREAM_ my girl balls off... _again!"_ This time, they both collapsed in paroxysms of laughter. It was a minute before they caught their breath, then Harumin said: "Yes! That's all true, and you're gonna get it, later, but we've gotta get serious, a moment. Now. If this is gonna work out, we'll need to figure out how to make this all happen, in a sustainable, stable relationship.. _.stable, I mean, given that it's the two of us!"_ and they both laughed at that. In a moment, the hilarity died down, and she got back on track.

"First thing is Mattie, -and this is probably going to be more difficult for me, but it's gotta be done-is we're going to have to come out... with everyone who matters, anyway. "

"I already have," she said bluntly. My onee-chans both always knew, and as for anyone else...fuck 'em! As for you... Mei, and I have had a bet as to who would come out first, you, or your sister, Mitsuko! But, I had every faith in you, baby! If I could just make you see that I was a hottie worthy of a princess like you, I'd be home free!" She smiled at the older girl's blush.

 _"Me?_... _Mitsuko?_ My God, Mattie, am I that _FUCKING DENSE?"_ She shook her head.

"Don't be hard on yourself, love. Like a lot of people, you were both just sailing up that great river, known as _"DENIAL"._ Yes, dear, Mitsuko is madly in love with sweet little Glasses Senpai, Kayo, who reciprocates her feelings. And I'm happy to say, it couldn't have happened to two nicer people-unless, of course, it's my onee-chans or US! She laughed, "So you see, that closet at your house was getting really crowded already with you two big busty ladies in it! I have every faith you can handle it!" You're just going to have to develop a _"Fuck you, I'm queer!"_ attitude from the get-go, as I have, or just decide how far you want to come out, like my onee-chans. You might come charging out one day, you might have this comfortable little patio in front of your closet, tastefully furnished!' (Here, she laughed.) 'I, for my part, will try to never embarrass you in public, honey, try to never DRAG YOU out and expose you unwillingly, but myself, in my role as official dangerous bitch, I'LL DESTROY ANYONE WHO TRIES TO HURT MY ONEE-CHANS, OR MY LOVER HARUMIN! I'LL FUCKING KILL THEM!" She had such a terrible expression at saying that, Harumin hugged her again, and said, "Mattie, calm down! Everything's cool. Let's get back on the subject."

The little dynamo relaxed, and Harumin continued. "Well, thanks for the vote of confidence. Now, I want to know, where you want to go with this, where would you like to see us...I think this is important for us both to hash out as early as possible! Let's try to get a plan together, subject to changing circumstances, because, I know from the experience, of others, we'll have to be adaptable. And, although we may not know where this may go, how long it may last...there ARE things we can both do to help us find our way, possibly to something that sticks...and, I hope it does!"

"Agreed, especially, with that last part! For myself... First of all, we both know I have BPD. And that, although I can usually manage all but the worse of it with therapy, it is a thing that will never go away, and that there will be times that I will have trouble, and as you've seen, sometimes this can be very bad, indeed. We'll certainly discuss it more in-depth, but, you'll have to be willing to work alongside me on this, as Yuzu does with Mei's Autism Spectrum Disorder. I'm not pulling any punches, it can, and will, frequently be difficult. You've seen that yourself while you've been over here. And I may seem calmer, but I feel like I'm about to _wet myself_ any moment from anxiety, and I'm still a little shaky. Can you travel that road with me, knowing this, knowing what's lurking in me?" Harumin nodded to the clearly anxious girl, and took her hands again.

"Mattie, we'll work together, that's what real love is. Yuzu and Mei have shown us both that even huge problems can be surmounted, with hard work, a lot of love, commitment, and even professional help when needed. We'll do it together, and I think you will be a LOT more stable with my support. Now... Again: Where do you see us, and where would you LIKE to see us as lovers?..." _"That word is going to take some getting used to!"_ she thought.

"I-I like that! _Lovers_! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.' Matsuri said gratefully. 'I will put my full effort behind _US,_ not just me because I want to see us continue as a couple, I hope and dream for a relationship like Mei and Yuzu are having now. Something that will last. I can see us here, working hard at getting there...not at the start, exactly, because really, we've been dating as friends for a long time, but certainly, at the start of a _BIG_ shift in how we feel about each other. I already could have been having sex, a lot-I've been hit on by girls _AND_ guys since around the time you met me, usually _somewhat_ older ones, fairly often, but that's empty; I mean, I was too young, and they were mostly pervs, anyway- _and you don't fool me twice!_ I don't want to be used. Oh, don't get me _WRONG_ , 'She smiled, 'Making out with you is _awesome_ and _damn, I can't wait until when we..._ ' She smiled, letting her words trail away, -' _BUT_ -In addition to sex, I want the love, I want the commitment, I want the thousand and one things most any girl really wants, whether she's straight, or gay. I want a real, honest to God relationship, made up of all the things that hold people together. I want a companion, a friend, a confidante, a lover, a helper. I want dates, I want that place we love to go to that is ours, that table at OUR favorite restaurant, holding hands in front of the world, kissing and not caring WHO sees. I want little jokes only we get, and warm snuggles on cold nights, seeing that sleepy face I love, all messy-haired in the morning, and loving that first kiss, morning breath and all! I want it solidly based on love. I want to give all that, and more, back to my lover in double spades! I would like that relationship... to be with you, my one and only Harumin, and if we were lying in bed like this, 10 years down the road, kissing, laughing, making passionate love, joking, loving, Hell...even dealing with our problems and difficulties, as they arise...then, I guess you could say you made me the happiest girl I can ever be. And I want to be the one that you say the same about.' She paused a moment. "That's what I want. That's what I've hoped for, for a long time. THAT'S my hope, my dreams, my deepest desire. And...your turn." She looked expectantly at her new partner, wondering how she would take all that, waiting for her next move.

Her lover shook her head in astonishment. _" She's got a better idea of how this could work than I do! Damn!"_ Harumin thought. "You just keep amazing me with how damn _mature_ you are, Mattie! I'm going to have to trust in you more, to believe in you more, and stop one-upping you just because I'm older. You've _so_ got it together! That's how it's _GOTTA_ Be, or it can't last! And if we're going to pursue this, we want it stable, and lasting. I can't POSSIBLY put it better, or more concisely!" She kissed the pink-haired girl again.

"I try! You know, it's really going to help that all the people in our circle of friends are either outright gay or bi-curious. Like with us all being cuckoo? Birds of a feather, flock together. Eyebrow Senpai, dear nervous Himeko, for instance, is probably going to be cutting off _HER_ arranged marriage and flying out of the closet on a magic broom with Suzuran, who's definitely shot _Her_ arranged marriage to Hell and back,..' (Here they both laughed, Harumin giving her another incredulous look.)

 _"Oh, yes!_ We already discussed your sister and sweet little Kayo. Nene? Yeah. As for the Tachibana twins...Um. They have their _own thing_ going. More power to them! So, we're O.K. with our friends and acquaintances. I just realized, if all of us were inclined to drink, we could fill a Ladies' Bar up on any weekend!" And she laughed again. 'I'm starved from all of the... exertions! What say we go do a little shopping?"

"Mattie, how about if we just leave Inori with the rest of the food for a bit, jump on a train, and we go off to my house for lunch! We can talk some more before you have to go back. Will he be alright?"

"At your house? You know, I can have my cousin babysit Inori, in a pinch. He has a professional place he stays on my schooldays." she held her lovers' hand tightly. 'Would that be O.K. with Mitsuko If I came over tonight?"

"Why not? If you want we'll do a sleepover!' Harumin said, giving her a kiss, 'It's not like she's the only Taniguchi who gets to be Gay around there! Besides,' she smiled, 'that's what you do... _with your_ _girlfriend!"_


End file.
